How can the phobias we have be part of a topic of leaving comfort zones? I thought of this for awhile today and yesterday and decided, yes they can...especially when we decide to not allow the phobia control us. Here is where I shall begin........
It is a delightful winter day. The sun is now shining and the snow has stopped. Josh and his sisters have been out for awhile when he calls me to come see his handiwork. I get my coat on and go to where he is standing at a grand snow tunnel he diligently carved out from a snow drift. It curved around in an arch but I could see through and I could have easily gotten through. Being the "good" mom that I was I got down on my knees to crawl through. (That's when I discovered claustrophobia in such a constricting fashion that even writing about that experience causes my heart rate to increase and my hands to perspire.) I froze about half way through the tunnel with Josh behind me, curious as to why I was not going all the way. I could not move forward! I ordered him to back out of the tunnel and as quick as I could I stood upright and have battled claustrophobia ever since.
How does this fit into my leaving my "comfort zone" topic? Well, I have not allowed my phobia to rule me. Yes I battle it in may was but I have always been determined that it would not rule me. I made myself go int Howe's Cavern. I make myself go into elevators when they are crowded...I hate it, indeed. I make myself go into small closets but I talk to myself the whole time telling myself that the door is open, or if I have to be in a small room I look for a window. There are ALWAYS ways around our fears, our phobias if we just look.
A very wise 7 year old was talking to her Papa one day after he discovered she was frightened of something. He took a few moments to explain whatever it was that scared her, telling her the "ins and out's" of whatever it was, how it worked, etc. Then she said. "Thank you, Papa, for tell me all about that. Now I won't be scared anymore."
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
New Adventures
What new adventures do we have today related to the thing called "comfort zone"? Well, to begin with, I have felt since the disaster in Haiti, called to use my nursing talent there. I have put off doing anything about this for several reasons. Some of the reasons are valid and some of the reasons.....are not really....I suppose they would fall into that familiar area of excuses in putting things off because of fear.
"Reason" 1: My husband had just lost his job shortly before the disaster and I was the main bread-winner. Valid reason for putting it off, yes. Granted, we didn't exactly have any funds available for that sort of trip, either set aside or easily available.
"Reason" 2: I allowed another person's lack of interest in my going (not my husband's) persuade my interest to wane. This should not have been. That falls in with the "nay-sayers" we do not need to be around when we are to be about our Father's business.
"Reason" 3: I have Multiple Sclerosis and I am vaguely timid about going because "What if "....the work I am assigned to do requires me do do something I am not physically able to do?
ANSWER: JUST DO IT. I can not find out what is on the other side of the door unless I open it! God will give me the strength to do whatever I am called upon to do, and if it is too physically demanding, then I will have the emotional strength to speak up and request something else or ask for help. (Something I find difficult to do, something which is outside of my CZ.)
You see, a comfort zone doesn't have to be a negative. It could be a "positive". The thought of "I can do it on my own" is usually thought as a "good" thing......but not always. Some times that self will becomes our comfort zone we have to learn to get out of. Learn to ask for assistance sometimes...even when you really don't need it, just for a little practice.
"Reason" 1: My husband had just lost his job shortly before the disaster and I was the main bread-winner. Valid reason for putting it off, yes. Granted, we didn't exactly have any funds available for that sort of trip, either set aside or easily available.
"Reason" 2: I allowed another person's lack of interest in my going (not my husband's) persuade my interest to wane. This should not have been. That falls in with the "nay-sayers" we do not need to be around when we are to be about our Father's business.
"Reason" 3: I have Multiple Sclerosis and I am vaguely timid about going because "What if "....the work I am assigned to do requires me do do something I am not physically able to do?
ANSWER: JUST DO IT. I can not find out what is on the other side of the door unless I open it! God will give me the strength to do whatever I am called upon to do, and if it is too physically demanding, then I will have the emotional strength to speak up and request something else or ask for help. (Something I find difficult to do, something which is outside of my CZ.)
You see, a comfort zone doesn't have to be a negative. It could be a "positive". The thought of "I can do it on my own" is usually thought as a "good" thing......but not always. Some times that self will becomes our comfort zone we have to learn to get out of. Learn to ask for assistance sometimes...even when you really don't need it, just for a little practice.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Changes
The life of "luxury" as a stay-at-home mom needed to come to an end in the '90's when the economy where we were living was not sufficient enough to allow a one person income. The thought of having to re-enter the workforce scarred the daylights out of me! Talk about needing to come out of my comfort zone! I didn't have a clue where to begin to look for work. Three young kids at home. We were trying to homeschool even though I was going to be at work. We'd "see how it worked".
Fortunately, we began with me looking in the summer and I found a waitressing job. Here again, I was in a position where I found myself having to make myself leave the comfort zone. I had to talk to people I didn't know!!! The job was one thing, let me tell you about going for the interview. It took me several minutes of just sitting in the car gathering up my nerve, talking to myself before I could venture forth into the restaurant. I really don't know what happened, but I ended up with the job, and they placed me as as sort of "day manager"/waitress. It really felt pretty good.
Kick to the "self" came when the owner of the restaurant decided after about 2 months, that they didn't need my position and fired me. OUCH! This seemed to be a set back for me for few weeks but, I believe God was gracious and gave me the strength to gather myself together and get back on my feet. I knew I was worth something. I knew I could do anything I set my self to. I had just proven it to myself. I had just done a variety of "things" I had not previously done even though they "scarred the crap" out of me. This was the beginning of me learning to leave my comfort zone.
From here I became a Home Health Aide and met a nurse who told me I should be a nurse. I laughed at her because I didn't finish college. Long-story-short...I became a nurse. I meet people within this field who at times in their situations cause me to cry. (I do not like to be that vulnerable in front of people. That's not in my comfort zone) I have had to learn to make decisions in areas I would not have previously needed to....not in my comfort zone. Here again, I am forced to meet people I do not know...and speak to them...not in my comfort zone. Since becoming a nurse, this is the biggest improvement in the area of leaving the "CZ".
Meeting new people is NOT usually on my list of likes. However, I was at a July 4th party once, and saw this young man with the style dress of pants down in the typical "below the hips area". I decided I needed to introduce myself to him, and "pick on him just a little", took a very deep breath and dove in. I can't remember exactly what I said because I was so nervous at the prospect of meeting someone new. But, I took that first step. Never be ashamed to step out and try.
I ride a motorcycle and one thing that I fear with the "CZ" in this area is related to the ministry my husband and I do. I still have growth areas and expansion needs for myself. I hope you have gotten something out of this. Even if it just a glimpse of my past and a hint of who I am. It has been an experience writing this. the experience was indeed sometimes not easy...not easy letting you in, not easy letting me out.
Fortunately, we began with me looking in the summer and I found a waitressing job. Here again, I was in a position where I found myself having to make myself leave the comfort zone. I had to talk to people I didn't know!!! The job was one thing, let me tell you about going for the interview. It took me several minutes of just sitting in the car gathering up my nerve, talking to myself before I could venture forth into the restaurant. I really don't know what happened, but I ended up with the job, and they placed me as as sort of "day manager"/waitress. It really felt pretty good.
Kick to the "self" came when the owner of the restaurant decided after about 2 months, that they didn't need my position and fired me. OUCH! This seemed to be a set back for me for few weeks but, I believe God was gracious and gave me the strength to gather myself together and get back on my feet. I knew I was worth something. I knew I could do anything I set my self to. I had just proven it to myself. I had just done a variety of "things" I had not previously done even though they "scarred the crap" out of me. This was the beginning of me learning to leave my comfort zone.
From here I became a Home Health Aide and met a nurse who told me I should be a nurse. I laughed at her because I didn't finish college. Long-story-short...I became a nurse. I meet people within this field who at times in their situations cause me to cry. (I do not like to be that vulnerable in front of people. That's not in my comfort zone) I have had to learn to make decisions in areas I would not have previously needed to....not in my comfort zone. Here again, I am forced to meet people I do not know...and speak to them...not in my comfort zone. Since becoming a nurse, this is the biggest improvement in the area of leaving the "CZ".
Meeting new people is NOT usually on my list of likes. However, I was at a July 4th party once, and saw this young man with the style dress of pants down in the typical "below the hips area". I decided I needed to introduce myself to him, and "pick on him just a little", took a very deep breath and dove in. I can't remember exactly what I said because I was so nervous at the prospect of meeting someone new. But, I took that first step. Never be ashamed to step out and try.
I ride a motorcycle and one thing that I fear with the "CZ" in this area is related to the ministry my husband and I do. I still have growth areas and expansion needs for myself. I hope you have gotten something out of this. Even if it just a glimpse of my past and a hint of who I am. It has been an experience writing this. the experience was indeed sometimes not easy...not easy letting you in, not easy letting me out.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Trust Issues
"What do you have to be that depressed about? You don't need to be thinking about suicide. Don't be silly." That was all that was said. I was open and honest and had thought I could trust this person to know my heart, to know I was sincere. Again, my heart was struck with the pain of insincerity. They did not take me seriously, did not believe me. I began to close off. Why trust someone when I could not be believed when I shared my heart?
I was walking down the sidewalk in the lonely one-street village where my husband was the Pastor of the tiny mission. The man coming towards me on the same side of the street saw me, crossed the street, walked passed me, then crossed the street again to walk behind me. It seemed no one wanted us there. This simple action devastated me. The people who came to the church services were from outside of the village. I did what I could to make friends when people would talk to me. But that was rare and usually only to those "outsiders". I was so lonely. The people made it clear the did not want us there. I began to close in on myself even more. Who could I trust?
When you trust someone you become vulnerable. Part of what I am doing here in this blog is opening up and allowing myself to become vulnerable. I do not easily trust people. It began early on and is a habit not easily broken. It is part of my "comfort zone" to hide in my own world, safe from the hurts others have inflicted and pain I have allowed others to inflict. In the variety of ways in the recent years I have actually begun to get out of my comfort zone and to become "bold", even though I do not feel bold, I have found that I still do not trust people and find becoming vulnerable a horrible task. Thus is the reason for inflicting this blog on my family and friends. Maybe by writing this blog, I can aide someone and in the same step aide myself.
What do you think?
I was walking down the sidewalk in the lonely one-street village where my husband was the Pastor of the tiny mission. The man coming towards me on the same side of the street saw me, crossed the street, walked passed me, then crossed the street again to walk behind me. It seemed no one wanted us there. This simple action devastated me. The people who came to the church services were from outside of the village. I did what I could to make friends when people would talk to me. But that was rare and usually only to those "outsiders". I was so lonely. The people made it clear the did not want us there. I began to close in on myself even more. Who could I trust?
When you trust someone you become vulnerable. Part of what I am doing here in this blog is opening up and allowing myself to become vulnerable. I do not easily trust people. It began early on and is a habit not easily broken. It is part of my "comfort zone" to hide in my own world, safe from the hurts others have inflicted and pain I have allowed others to inflict. In the variety of ways in the recent years I have actually begun to get out of my comfort zone and to become "bold", even though I do not feel bold, I have found that I still do not trust people and find becoming vulnerable a horrible task. Thus is the reason for inflicting this blog on my family and friends. Maybe by writing this blog, I can aide someone and in the same step aide myself.
What do you think?
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
words, words, words
"You will never make a good Pastor's wife." she said.
"Why?" I looked at her with a puzzled look. I didn't know there was a specific formula to being a pastor's wife.
"Well, to begin with, you wear jeans. A Pastor's wife should never wear jeans, or for that matter, pants! Second, you do not play the piano!"
I thought to myself, "Is she serious?"
I was newly married, just 21, to a budding pastor, studying in the South. I thought my biggest worries were going to be having to meet new people! However, I was quickly finding out that words and expectations of others do a great job of cutting to the quick. In my younger adult years I am beginning to find that, while the expectations of adults as a child can often cause echoes, the expectations and "rules and regulations" placed on you, (or that you allow others to place on you) can and often do cause echoes that you carry around with you and affect your every day actions.
I did not really realize until later that those simple words of this lady, though well-meaning on her part I am sure, (or maybe not), would cut deeply into me and bother me for years, beyond the "Pastor's wife" aspect of my life. It was simply a matter of me allowing the words to dig deeply into me and cause me to feel more of the "I am not good enough" to do or be anything.
You see, the words you use, carelessly or otherwise, have a lasting affect even when you do not know. God was gracious to me. I do know I am worth more than "not good enough" and there are many things He has given me the ability to do and to do well. I am a caring person with artistic talents. These words echo beside those other words and bare up much better. I am able, with God' grace to remember positive echoes. Give some positive echoes.
"Why?" I looked at her with a puzzled look. I didn't know there was a specific formula to being a pastor's wife.
"Well, to begin with, you wear jeans. A Pastor's wife should never wear jeans, or for that matter, pants! Second, you do not play the piano!"
I thought to myself, "Is she serious?"
I was newly married, just 21, to a budding pastor, studying in the South. I thought my biggest worries were going to be having to meet new people! However, I was quickly finding out that words and expectations of others do a great job of cutting to the quick. In my younger adult years I am beginning to find that, while the expectations of adults as a child can often cause echoes, the expectations and "rules and regulations" placed on you, (or that you allow others to place on you) can and often do cause echoes that you carry around with you and affect your every day actions.
I did not really realize until later that those simple words of this lady, though well-meaning on her part I am sure, (or maybe not), would cut deeply into me and bother me for years, beyond the "Pastor's wife" aspect of my life. It was simply a matter of me allowing the words to dig deeply into me and cause me to feel more of the "I am not good enough" to do or be anything.
You see, the words you use, carelessly or otherwise, have a lasting affect even when you do not know. God was gracious to me. I do know I am worth more than "not good enough" and there are many things He has given me the ability to do and to do well. I am a caring person with artistic talents. These words echo beside those other words and bare up much better. I am able, with God' grace to remember positive echoes. Give some positive echoes.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
History-more echoes
"I wish you'd never been born!"
I was 12. She was really angry. It was last in a line of several days' worth of her being mad at me for a variety of reasons, so I suppose it sort of built up. I don't really know at this point in my life, being an adult if she really said those words. That is what I remember hearing. Loud and clear they were then and loud and clear they will always echo in my heart. However, the adult in me does know that there are always three sides to every story...mine, hers and the truth. So I suppose I could have misheard my mother. I know I have spent years wishing I had but never really knowing and never having the nerve to ask.
I share this story to show more of how the echoes of words and hurt affect how we form our own life. Our hurts, our wounds are our barriers we place to protect us from the world around us, to keep us safe from other hurts, from other hurts. We dig ourselves deeper into ourselves or away from others to keep from having to deal with the outside world. Sometimes we will plant our feet firmly and pretend we are happy when we know we are not. We try to fool our world around us, giving them the impression that we are "where we want to be" but all the time we know we want more but are afraid. But how do we move for here?
It took me quite a lot of years to move on from these echoes that have planted me firmly in one place for too long. They still sting and slap and try to hold me still in my steps but sharing the "secret" makes it not feel like it has such a hold on me. Forgiving my mother, just because I can, has also allowed me to get past my own echoes, past my history, to enable me to move on so I can begin to realize that I am more than my past. I am NOT what someone thinks I am. I am who and what I want to be. I am stronger than the weak past. I am a person of worth and I can serve my God with the best of anyone. I can and will look forward, not backward, not in the past. For that is one place we tend to find ourselves all too often dwelling when we find ourselves fearful and frozen instead of moving, and motivated.
I was 12. She was really angry. It was last in a line of several days' worth of her being mad at me for a variety of reasons, so I suppose it sort of built up. I don't really know at this point in my life, being an adult if she really said those words. That is what I remember hearing. Loud and clear they were then and loud and clear they will always echo in my heart. However, the adult in me does know that there are always three sides to every story...mine, hers and the truth. So I suppose I could have misheard my mother. I know I have spent years wishing I had but never really knowing and never having the nerve to ask.
I share this story to show more of how the echoes of words and hurt affect how we form our own life. Our hurts, our wounds are our barriers we place to protect us from the world around us, to keep us safe from other hurts, from other hurts. We dig ourselves deeper into ourselves or away from others to keep from having to deal with the outside world. Sometimes we will plant our feet firmly and pretend we are happy when we know we are not. We try to fool our world around us, giving them the impression that we are "where we want to be" but all the time we know we want more but are afraid. But how do we move for here?
It took me quite a lot of years to move on from these echoes that have planted me firmly in one place for too long. They still sting and slap and try to hold me still in my steps but sharing the "secret" makes it not feel like it has such a hold on me. Forgiving my mother, just because I can, has also allowed me to get past my own echoes, past my history, to enable me to move on so I can begin to realize that I am more than my past. I am NOT what someone thinks I am. I am who and what I want to be. I am stronger than the weak past. I am a person of worth and I can serve my God with the best of anyone. I can and will look forward, not backward, not in the past. For that is one place we tend to find ourselves all too often dwelling when we find ourselves fearful and frozen instead of moving, and motivated.
Monday, August 2, 2010
History Shapes
I'm back again with thoughts of what to say in this posting. In keeping in line with the topic of getting out of my comfort zone or what might have kept me in a comfort zone in the first place, I suppose I could bring up a little of my past in sharing who I am. My past and the events of my past are all a part of who I am today. This is the same with anyone. We are all a result of our past. We are shaped by the people and events of the past and how we reacted and developed and chose to become.
My mother was a big "maker" of my past even though she may not have realized she was having the particular type of affect on me that she did. (I do not mean to show her disrespect by anything I will say, but it is the way it was while I was growing up and it is what helped make me what I am today in my character). I would often be given a task to do, then when not completed to my mother's specifications, she would usually proceed with cutting remarks like "What the hell good are you anyway?", or "Can't you ever do anything right?". Now, I mention this only to show that words can fashion your life. I eventually grew up believing those words. I battle them constantly and hear them echo in my head every time I seek to do anything new or make any mistake in any task.
The person who said she thought I am bold does not know the road I have traveled to get this far. When everything within me screams to hide because I am worthless and I can't do what I want, but I know with all my heart that I am worth more than my past tells me, I know I must do whatever it is I have chosen to do. I will not give in. I can't give in.
I can only say that it has been in small steps that I have taken to get this far on the road toward boldness. I believe it began with a desire to play softball when I was in 8th grade. I remember stepping up to the plate to swing at the ball coming toward me. There were people watching me!!!!! What if I missed? What if I did this or that? The coach said "Watch the ball" and you know what......when you are concentrating on watching the ball and doing what you are supposed to do, you don't see the people. I remember it felt fabulous when I hit that ball. I knew I could do anything I wanted because I just did. And I still do.
My mother was a big "maker" of my past even though she may not have realized she was having the particular type of affect on me that she did. (I do not mean to show her disrespect by anything I will say, but it is the way it was while I was growing up and it is what helped make me what I am today in my character). I would often be given a task to do, then when not completed to my mother's specifications, she would usually proceed with cutting remarks like "What the hell good are you anyway?", or "Can't you ever do anything right?". Now, I mention this only to show that words can fashion your life. I eventually grew up believing those words. I battle them constantly and hear them echo in my head every time I seek to do anything new or make any mistake in any task.
The person who said she thought I am bold does not know the road I have traveled to get this far. When everything within me screams to hide because I am worthless and I can't do what I want, but I know with all my heart that I am worth more than my past tells me, I know I must do whatever it is I have chosen to do. I will not give in. I can't give in.
I can only say that it has been in small steps that I have taken to get this far on the road toward boldness. I believe it began with a desire to play softball when I was in 8th grade. I remember stepping up to the plate to swing at the ball coming toward me. There were people watching me!!!!! What if I missed? What if I did this or that? The coach said "Watch the ball" and you know what......when you are concentrating on watching the ball and doing what you are supposed to do, you don't see the people. I remember it felt fabulous when I hit that ball. I knew I could do anything I wanted because I just did. And I still do.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Introduction
I have been told I am bold. I find that hard to believe based on the fact that I have lived with myself for 52 years and find myself to be, in my core, an introvert. I would much rather sit and watch people than talk to someone I do not know. Given the opportunity to be by myself instead of congregate with a crowd, I would choose the "self".
Let me give you a brief summary of my history. I grew up as the daughter of an Air Force Sargent. We moved many times over my first 18 years...I believe I counted once it was 21 times (maybe not exactly 21, but it was an awful lot). I learned that making friends was something you did in a hurry and you learned to "trust no one easily". That was usually because you didn't want to get hurt too deeply when you had to move too soon. Then, the older I got, I learned that it was easier to just sit on the sidelines, not really care how many friends you had. It was safer to keep to yourself. So, that it pretty much what I did. There were, other reasons and events that fit into the forming of those thoughts and becoming of an introvert, but suffice it for now, that is what it is.
So, now where do I go with this? My thought is to take this blog and eventually form it into a help for other people who want to do things but find themselves locked in a fear and their feet and their voices frozen. I want to show them, to show you, whoever you are, if you are reading this, that you can do the same as I have and get out of yourself, get out of your comfort zone, and do.
Why did I get out of my comfort zone? For a few reasons. First, I believe God has more for me to do than just sit at home doing nothing or just simple things. I have much to do for Him that can't be done in my fear. Second, there is a great big world out there full of adventure that I want to do and can't do if I am paralyzed by fear. I want more. I need more. I want to do more for myself and for my God. Because of that, I have to leave the comfort zone.
Let me give you a brief summary of my history. I grew up as the daughter of an Air Force Sargent. We moved many times over my first 18 years...I believe I counted once it was 21 times (maybe not exactly 21, but it was an awful lot). I learned that making friends was something you did in a hurry and you learned to "trust no one easily". That was usually because you didn't want to get hurt too deeply when you had to move too soon. Then, the older I got, I learned that it was easier to just sit on the sidelines, not really care how many friends you had. It was safer to keep to yourself. So, that it pretty much what I did. There were, other reasons and events that fit into the forming of those thoughts and becoming of an introvert, but suffice it for now, that is what it is.
So, now where do I go with this? My thought is to take this blog and eventually form it into a help for other people who want to do things but find themselves locked in a fear and their feet and their voices frozen. I want to show them, to show you, whoever you are, if you are reading this, that you can do the same as I have and get out of yourself, get out of your comfort zone, and do.
Why did I get out of my comfort zone? For a few reasons. First, I believe God has more for me to do than just sit at home doing nothing or just simple things. I have much to do for Him that can't be done in my fear. Second, there is a great big world out there full of adventure that I want to do and can't do if I am paralyzed by fear. I want more. I need more. I want to do more for myself and for my God. Because of that, I have to leave the comfort zone.
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