I have been told I am bold. I find that hard to believe based on the fact that I have lived with myself for 52 years and find myself to be, in my core, an introvert. I would much rather sit and watch people than talk to someone I do not know. Given the opportunity to be by myself instead of congregate with a crowd, I would choose the "self".
Let me give you a brief summary of my history. I grew up as the daughter of an Air Force Sargent. We moved many times over my first 18 years...I believe I counted once it was 21 times (maybe not exactly 21, but it was an awful lot). I learned that making friends was something you did in a hurry and you learned to "trust no one easily". That was usually because you didn't want to get hurt too deeply when you had to move too soon. Then, the older I got, I learned that it was easier to just sit on the sidelines, not really care how many friends you had. It was safer to keep to yourself. So, that it pretty much what I did. There were, other reasons and events that fit into the forming of those thoughts and becoming of an introvert, but suffice it for now, that is what it is.
So, now where do I go with this? My thought is to take this blog and eventually form it into a help for other people who want to do things but find themselves locked in a fear and their feet and their voices frozen. I want to show them, to show you, whoever you are, if you are reading this, that you can do the same as I have and get out of yourself, get out of your comfort zone, and do.
Why did I get out of my comfort zone? For a few reasons. First, I believe God has more for me to do than just sit at home doing nothing or just simple things. I have much to do for Him that can't be done in my fear. Second, there is a great big world out there full of adventure that I want to do and can't do if I am paralyzed by fear. I want more. I need more. I want to do more for myself and for my God. Because of that, I have to leave the comfort zone.
I just read your posts in reverse order - thank you for writing this and sharing a little bit of your heart. You are putting into words what many people feel.
ReplyDeleteSmall world, my dad was a sargent in the Air Force too! However, when my brother was a toddler and I was an infant,he did not renew his time and went into civilian life. However,my Dad took his "military mind set" and mouth with him for the rest of his life. He cursed habitually the foulest of words, was hard, unyielding, and often physically violent with my mother and me. Bruises and shame were the norm. My Mom drank like a fish to deal with it and "get back at him" though he'd punish her all the more. God rest their tortured souls, they both came to Christ on their near death-beds. Sad such wasted lives.
ReplyDeleteI feel much as you - I often cry out to God to empty me of the ghosts of the past that drive my present, because I want to be set free to do all that He's called me to do --- I know that there's so much more, and that I'm closer to the end than I was the beginning...